Becoming a parent is so weird. In some ways, it's the most natural thing and almost unavoidable. You become a pro at changing diapers by about the second day. You start to learn what cries mean what. You figure out an (almost) foolproof method of rocking and swaying that can calm most storms. You start adjusting to your new sleeping schedule. You find that you're confident in your new role, and navel-gaze a bit.
AND THEN.
Then what was working so well the day before doesn't work anymore and you start to wonder how in the world you've all even made it three weeks. You go back to researching and trying to diagnose and finding reassurance from family...and from strangers on the internet. You realize that you single-handedly sabotaged last night by trying to solve a foremilk/hindmilk imbalance (patting self on back for "figuring out the problem"), while overlooking the much more important fact that a growth spurt is imminent and changes and restrictions of any sort will not make her happy.
You're humbled by the course of twelve hours. You want to hit pause so that you can quickly learn how to be the perfect parent, and then resume play. But you realize you can't, so you whisper "I'm sorry, baby" to your finally peaceful daughter, and let her in on the secret that this is all new to you too. Together you make a pact to try to stay level-headed, and to keep tapping the dots in a very professional manner, until you're old pros yourselves. That you can do.
This brings back memories of snuggling my sweet girl close and whispering, "I'm doing my best. We're in this together. We'll figure it all out." Over and over and over. And we did figure it out. And we're still in it together. And we grow ever closer because of it. You're doing a great job, mama.
ReplyDelete--Kate
Thank you, Kate! I'm so grateful for your encouragement!
DeleteSeven years (and four children) into parenthood and I still feel much the same... I'm better with babies now, but the emotional seven year old, that's something new. And there always will be something new. Lots of prayer and hoping for grace and taking it one day at a time, doing my best for that day and trying to learn from yesterday and not worry too much about tomorrow. I haven't experienced the loss of a child that you have, but without that would certainly say that the transition to that first child was the hardest phase of parenthood thus far. There is no dying to self that has even remotely compared to those first six to nine months. Be gentle on yourself. Do your best and try not to worry too much!
ReplyDeleteAlso, I saw this on Etsy today and thought of you!
http://www.etsy.com/listing/127528869/you-make-me-happy-8x10-hot-air-balloon?ref=shop_home_active_1
There was a lot of "hoping for grace" last night :). Good reminders!
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