bossy girls

I'm sure by now everyone has heard of Ban Bossy. For those who haven't, it's a campaign started by some of the most powerful women in America to address the issue of the leadership and confidence gap between boys and girls. They seek to empower girls at a young age to enable them to chase and hold positions of leadership as an adult. Nice sentiment? Sure. Right tactic? Absolutely not.

This subject has been canvassed by basically everyone at this point (seriously - I was going to include some links, but it's easier to just google "ban bossy" plus the name of whatever news site you like to read). There's no conceivable reason for me to give my two cents, especially at such a belated date............so let's just blame St. Catherine of Siena, shall we?

It's always fun to blame a saint for something.

Today is St. Catherine's feast day, and one of the first things I saw this morning was this famous quote of hers: "Be who God meant you to be and you will set the world on fire." Maybe it's the fact that I have a daughter who already exhibits quite a bit of spirit, if you will, but the Ban Bossy campaign immediately came to mind, and I saw this as an alternative.

What do we mean by "bossy"? Ban Bossy implies that it is a synonym for "confident" that has a negative connotation and is used almost exclusively for girls. But that's simply not true. According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary it means "inclined to domineer; dictatorial." It also says nothing about it being gender-specific (the word is in fact wonderfully versatile; I've used it regarding the man I live with both accurately and adroitly, I believe).

Here's the irony of Ban Bossy: their campaign to abolish "bossy" is actually aiming to reclaim it for this next generation of empowered girls - but you can't call it that. This becomes clear in their spinoff videos and literature: they're actually fine with the domineering definition; they just don't want the number of boy dictators to outweigh the number of girl dictators. They want to encourage girls to keep the spirit of the word, but lose the label.

But as a parent, I want this word and its original definition at my disposal. I'm sure Mollie is going to be bossy at some point, and I want to be able to correct it. (I suppose in my house, I'd like to abolish the spirit of the word, but keep the label?) To tell girls that they shouldn't aim for leadership positions is wrong. But to lead them to think that they have to be bossy to achieve such positions is equally untrue. There are so many examples of humility leading to greatness that it's hard to pick just one, but since we're talking about girls and saints, a certain tiny nun comes to mind. What other woman in the last 50 years has equalled Blessed Mother Theresa in influence, recognition by world leaders, and universal admiration? As St. Catherine encouraged us, she humbly did what God wanted her to do and the world was changed because of it.

I don't need to tell my daughter to be "bossy" (or whatever word they decide to substitute for it) so that she can follow in Sheryl Sandberg's footsteps. I've got bigger plans for her than that. More importantly, the God who gave her her distinct mix of characteristics has a unique plan for her. And since I have a host of other words at my disposal, I'm going to be able to tell her that she has spirit, that she's strong, that she's capable, that she's determined, and that God made her that way to do some good in the world. She should be confident about that.